First Time Father: Throwing Fits and Food (at 19 months)

Parents, I need your help.  I haven’t written anything in a while, so allow me to update you on where I am as a first-time dad before I seek your advice. 

For the past several months we have enjoyed watching our son, Gray, grow so fast and so strong.  I think during the time of my last Hub Gray was just starting to walk.  Now, he sprints; His vocabulary includes close to 30 words and, to me, he seems every bit the explorer that Lewis and Clark were.  He is inquisitive, leaving no stone, or seat cushion unturned.  Two seconds in a new place and he wants to know why he’s there; what this place has to offer him.  Gray, is smart, focused, and, much like myself, stubborn.  Essentially a real delight.

With my wife continuing her work as a nurse several nights a week, I am still spending a lot of quality time with Grayson in the evenings and on the weekends.  In some cases I am getting the joys of seeing his new tricks before she does.  For example, I was changing his diaper a month or so ago and to try and calm him during the diaper swap I started singing, “If You’re Happy and You Know it,” and to my surprise he clapped his hands.  Each and every time the song called for it.  And then occasionally I also happen to be first in line of to witness other, less fun frontiers, like his new love of throwing his food. 

I am not the first dad (nor are we are not the first parents) to plop some food down for our kid only to have him hurl the plate off his tray as Bruce Jenner would a discus (I don’t know anyone else’s name who as ever flung a discus!).   It used to be I’d serve Gray his dinner, a spoonful at a time.  He’d be happy and eat his mouthful waiting for the next.  Then his dessert would follow.  Yet recently dinner has turned into a bit of a food fight.  Tears come easy as he sits, resisting dad’s urge for him to eat.  He wants the spoon.  Nope, he doesn’t, because not a second after I give in and give it to him it is thrown to the floor…next to bits of ravioli, chicken tenders, macaroni, or cheese bites.  Grayson has gone from an easy going eating machine to the Dikembe Mutombo of diners:  REJECTED!  

So, I suppose this is where I ask my readers, those with kids, if in fact anyone is reading this, how do we get through this phase?  His “Terrible Twos” have started and I’d like to know what is the best way to mitigate his annoyances (not what bothers me, but how we can degrade what seems to annoy him)?  A few weeks ago we went on a cruise and he ate very, very well.  Each meal he was served was consumed, but now it’s a fight.

I should probably also inform you that he still drinks a bottle when he wakes up in the morning and before his bedtime.  I haven’t done the research on this, so I don’t know if we should be cutting that out, too.  But after that morning bottle we bring him to day care where he has breakfast with the other kids.  He usually has cereal and cheese, maybe a bagel.  He eats fine in the morning and at lunch, but for some reason his dinner meal has been the issue.  I have no idea if I should wait a bit longer for him to eat or feed him sooner.  He’s a mystery to me right now. 

The other stuff I can manage.  Him throwing blocks and toys is understandable.  Gray actually is starting to put things away now after he plays with them.  It’s pretty cool (for me) to watch him take all the books off the shelf and a few minutes later attempt to put them back.  I have also become really good at distracting him when he has a tantrum on the floor.  I know he responds positively to the opening music of Conan O’Brien or the iPad commercials.  He literally freezes and puts all his attention on the TV during these times, then turns to me and smiles.  But with dinner I need him to eat and it frustrates me that he refuses most of the time.

So that’s it.  Not a really inspired bit of writing.  To be honest, I haven’t been that inspired to write much of anything for several months because professionally I am depressed and at a crossroads, and scared of what happens at the end of June when my contract expires.  I fault myself for not pursuing something different in college or trying to do something else when I came out of the army besides a government contract position.  I have applied to hundreds of jobs (like most people) and haven’t heard back from 99.9% of any of them.  When I follow up and even when I am proactive, getting on the phone with decision makers, the results are still negative.  So I continue to fake enthusiasm at work, while hating those I work with and sometimes myself.  My only consolation being the mantra, “At least I have a job right now,” and seeing my family when I get home (which is the greatest consolation prize a person can ask for).  And I’m sorry for writing this here at the end of my Hub about being a dad, but it actually feels good to let my fingers crank it out.  This is part of being a dad, too.  Being scared of not being able to provide or being seen as the failure I feel I am.  It makes me once again appreciate so much more the efforts and sacrifices my parents had to put forth and or forego to take care of my brother, sister, and me.  I don’t know how they did it.  I don’t know how anyone does it.  And least of all, I don’t know how I am going to continue to do it.